This is a body of work that I put together for my fine art photography class during this past spring term. The prints are all giclee on rice paper, applied to acrylic on canvas. Sizes vary. I just wish I could get them to show up bigger on this site. It looses some detail. I'll keep playing with it, but here's what I've got so far.
I think I'll let the statements speak for themselves.
Success [these are the words of expectation]I've never felt like my life was supposed to be regular. Ever since I was young, I have had an understanding that my life would not follow the normal pattern that seems to end at the perfect "American Dream." I never wanted a white picket fence, a forty-hour-per-week job, or dinner by five.
Maybe it was out of a spirit of rebellion, but now it has become a key concept in my heart, my goals and the vision I have for my life. I need to learn how to avoid being pressured into becoming how people tell me I should become and be free to build my own definition of success.
Self-Imagined [we will have no use for mirrors to tell us who to be]I look different in every mirror I use. I have a skinny mirror and a fat mirror and a hand mirror I use to obsess over my complexion and determine the amount of cover-up that is required for the day. I work with each view of myself, fixing, changing, covering up, or using false reflections for a confidence boost.
I sometimes think about cultures that don't depend on mirrors at all. I imagine how freeing it would be to not even know what I look like, to destroy all the mirrors and abandon the many restrictions that clutter and overtake my view of who I really am.
Attachment [I thought you were coming along with me]I constantly seek to be attached to people. I desire so much to share life with another person that it is overwhelming. More than anything else, I love sharing my heart with another, learning about them in return, and together experiencing the joys and disappointments of life.
It comes from an understanding of what it is to be lonely and pushing myself as far from that feeling as possible. But people are not dependable. They fail and they cannot live up to the standard of true companionship my heart desires.
This loneliness is not quenchable by human interaction. I can see that there is something much bigger to seek after, a source of love that can free me from the haunting loneliness I know so well.
Baggage [leave your things behind, it's all going off without you]I bring too much with me wherever I go. I have always packed to be over-prepared in every situation. Sometimes the load is too much to carry, and sometimes the things I bring to help me only end up holding me back.
One day I want to trade in all my belongings for the experiences of traveling and seeing the world in a new way. I want to turn my life into a mysterious adventure in which I am free to explore.
The problem is that this life of abandon I desire requires denying myself excess comforts and past concerns that I hold so close, things that I think I need.
Learning by Doing [i'm learning slowly these days]I am an experiential learner. I watch as people build up knowledge about things and, in the process, neglect learning through the art of practice. Once it is time to apply their understanding to performance, their understanding lack practicality.
One cannot learn what music is until he hears, and plays, and experiences it. One cannot learn how to be an artist until he puts his hands to work.
Right now I am stuck in an institution that begs me to study, learn and memorize books, concepts and ideas. With my spare time I am encouraged to practice my craft. As a result of sticking experience on teh back burner, I feel as though I have lost skills I once used with ease. I look forward to a day when I will be free to throw away applied rules and force form and begin to really learn my art through practice.
The Grass is Greener [neither here nor there]I am never content with where I am. No matter where I go, I always end up longing to be somewhere else. I tend to over imagine the places I dream of, and turn them into this perfect utopia where nothing can go wrong. However, once I have arrived, I am always disappointed and seek another place to dream of.
I feel trapped in my life, and every attempt to escape ends with disappointment. I am a child of naivety. I do not understand that the "greener grass" on the other side still requires the responsibility of mowing. I long to be free, but what I seek does not exist here on earth.
All images ©Kirsten Tornes Photography 2009
Please don't steal.
